Innocence

I am not your little sister.

Nor am I innocent as you deem me,

Morals doesn't make me innocent nor young.

Just because I am not as vulgarly open as you are, doesn't make me less.

Don't put me down so you can move up.

I know where my real intentions lie.

You don't know what that means,

You only think of what you may have to gain

& it hurts me, I will not deny.

You could have been so much more than you are

All of you wouldn't be where you are,

If you would have thought before you leaped into that monster's jaw.

I wish you would learn before you make an enormous mistake.

But I know you won't, because that's who you've become.

My heart breaks & then it boils

For the innocence you threw away

I'm sorry that you never learned what I know.

Because from now on you'll pay on & on.

You won't even know it until everything is done.

Don't call me young & innocence because I have pride.

Just because I don't find pleasure in being vulgar doesn't mean I don't know.

So keep your judgements off of me & I'll keep mine off of you.

I'll be here once you realize that this life is the one everyone takes.

& that it's not the one you want to.

Sex

I am a black sheep. Honestly this entire society is becoming run off of sexuality. It makes me SO mad. Is that silly? I don't think so. All I hear from my friends is sex sometimes & it just makes my blood boil. They have no idea. They just don't & they may never understand how precious & beautiful it is supposed & how ill they treat it. To them, it's all selfish & repulsive. Honestly I can't listen to them for longer than 10 min without wanting to barf. I'm not innocent because I value what sex is. That's not innocence. Innocence is the lack of knowledge. I've lost faith in my generation. Complete & total failures is all my generation is going to turn into if we can't get our hormones in check. It's time to step it up & realize what LIFE is about. It's not that. Don't have random sex & then claim that you can kill an unborn life because you wanted to feel good. That is the epitome of selfishness. ARG it makes me so mad. Don't create life if you aren't ready to take care of it. I guess that's what people don't want to believe is that sex isn't about you, it's about life. It's about creating something & bringing him or her into a world of love and safety. But that's not what my ignorant generation thinks of. They just think about themselves and how they feel at that moment. It makes me so mad. SO MAD!!!!!!!!

Ventadge

So I'm trying to find myself. I know that sounds weird since most people can look at me and say,"Hey, there's a girl who knows who she is & is comfortable with that." Well, I'm a liar. Or an actress, that sounds less dramatic. I actually have no idea who I am. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out who I should be & hiding the pains that come with life that now it's hurting me. People think I'm a poser or liar & they're right but about the wrong things. The things that ARE the truth most people are thinking is the lie. Plus how can I act a character when I'm already playing a character? See my problem? SO I'm trying to find the real me. It's buried, I mean I have to go through over 12 years of character creation! I'm trying though, I really am, but sometimes I forget. I need to get away for awhile. By myself. Somewhere peaceful. That was the real reason I wanted to go to Indiana, to find myself beside a lake, far away from the people who hold their power over me the way a king & queen hold their power of the kingdom. They aren't horrible people & they do try to be kind, but they aren't. But I can't go to Indiana, so my plan B is St. Olaf. It seems like a really sweet school & it's an hour away which is plenty far (not as far as I'd like but that's life). I'm so deprived. There are three boys I could like at any given moment. One is completely & totally off limits at this point, & the other I doubt would ever go for a nut like me. Which I'm partly glad about because I'm a lot to deal with. Gah I needed to say those things. No I probably will not have a boy friend for a couple more years & no one notices that I'm not exactly there everyday because they're busy worrying about themselves & everyone else. I actually enjoy it. I like being invisible. My friends see me & say "You look cute today!" check it off their list & continue on. Oh goodness I'm just venting now but since there isn't really anyone else to vent to I have to find someone to do that for me & since I have 2 followers, both of which are extremely busy, I think I'm safe.