Perplexing ...

Have you ever been sick of someone, but without them you have a hole in your heart? I just want to curl up with him ... nothing else. Hmmm ... life. I suppose this is what happens when you grow up ... I'm not sure if I like it ...
Oh, by the way, yes I am a live ... as if anyone cared. ;) Just been busy. Graduated from high school, went to prom, became obsessed with Sherlock, & failed at life. You know, the usual. There's something else too, but I can't really say it out loud publicly yet ... I mean ... We said it ... at about 1:10 am on Friday the 25th of May 2012 ... but ... it's complicated.
Well, just thought I'd let you know that I am back & have WAY too much to upload on to this wonderful blog so thus, I will have my hands full.

There You Go Again

There you go again, lecturing me like always,
Why do you always pull that card?
It gets so old & boring & insulting.
Maybe the way you work isn't the way you work.
I do what you say & maybe sometimes have an attitude, but you would too.
Don't tell me about when you were young
You would NEVER have done that,
Well I know you did because you're human,
Just like everyone else.
You're not perfect,
You're not special,
You're just like me & every other teenager you talk about.
There you go again,
Getting in my face as if you have a right
To demand I tell you how I'm feeling.
If I don't feel like telling you all I feel or think,
I don't see what the problem is!
You would never tell me what is going on,
So why can't I keep to myself?
I find it really rude & disrespectful, but as if you cared.
No matter what you may say to me, you rarely respect me.
Feeding me, keeping a roof over my head,
Getting me new clothes, & sending me to a good school,
That's not respecting me, it's doing your job as a parent.
You made me so it's your job to take care of me the best you can.
There you go again,
Not even listening.
Sometimes you listen but you never EVER hear me.
It goes in one ear, maybe detours to the mind,
Then to the heart, then it goes out the other ear & nothing ever happens.
I'm so sick of that happening.
I try my best, I do what I can,
You know that it's true
But I feel like every new day is another long list of stuff to do for you.
There you go again,
Up go those walls, now it doesn't matter.

I wrote this freshman year, if you couldn't tell. I couldn't spell to save my life & my grammer was AWFUL!!! But I fixed it in a way to make it true to its original form & not painful to read. ANGST! Oh well. Some of it is still true, but there's more there now.

What I Want In a Guy

What I want in a guy is love. A love for God above all, then for me, then for the rest of the world. He would love me in an innocent & sincere way, never pushing me in any way.  He'd listen to me & put all before himself.  His touch would electrify me every single time. He'd go out of his way to make me feel loved & special. He'd know all that I feel & help me through it. We'd be close, (living wise & friendship wise). My family would love him, & he'd always be kind, loving, & polite. He'd be perfect. He'd have dreams that were beautiful & he's help me be a better person. I'd be the same for him. Church would be amazing, holding his hand, praying with him, praising God for all that we have. I'd never want to let him go. He would be my best friend, my true companion. I could tease him, he could tease me, he'd love kids. He'd sing & dance. He'd be amazing, wonderful, perfect. He'd be the answer to all my prayers, & everything I've asked for. He'd be a good cook & he'd talk & sing & be silly all the while. If I made a mistake he'd laugh it off with me. When we get fights, he wouldn't cave in if he was right. I'd try my best to be perfect for him even though I wouldn't deserve him. But he'd love me for me. He'd love my siblings & my parents. He'd show me a world I never knew was there. We'd walk side by side through all the trials & tests. We'd walk through life together forever & we'd last the problems & troubles. He'd be mine forever, & I'd be his. God would be at our center & we'd keep it that way. In His light we'd walk & every night we'd pray to thank Him for giving us life. I know this guy sounds too good to be true & I'm betting he is, but I can dream for him & who knows? One day I might find him.

I wrote this Spring of 2009, listing off what I want in a life partner, & it's eye opening to look around & see that the world doesn't seem to make there kinds of guys anymore. That's no slight on my boyfriend because he means the world to me, but no man is this perfect, not even my dashing detective.