How Far?

How far will you go before you come back to me?
I'm willing to wait until the end of time
But leading me on like this is cruel.
My heart has been laid out for you
There's nothing that you've said
I try & try & try but you give me nothing back.
How far will you go, a mile, 2 miles, a lifetime?
Will you love me like you said you did?
Or was that just another beautiful line you gave?
I never thought you'd make me sit in silence,
But I suppose that's what I get
For loving you so deeply without a life line.
How far will you go, will you disappear from sight?
What on earth did I do to upset you so much
This silence is gold, because it's dragging me down
Far too heavy for me to be able to breathe.
I'm drowning in this silence, love, I'm smothered by your lack of words.
Are we going to fix this, or will my heart break once more?
How far will you go with your half of my heart?
Please bring it back, please come home to me.
Chills run up & down my spine, freezing me slowly
Where have you gone, my love, where have you gone?
I will be here until you no longer want me.
So please end this silence & speak to me.
Do you or do you not want me or love me?
I've needed you every night but you're not there.
I don't know what I'm going to do without you,
Because I can tell that this is not going to end well.
I won't lie, I'm terrified because I know you're going to leave.
How far will you go, love, how far will you go?
& when should I expect your return?

Being In Love

You would think it'd last forever
That there'd never be an end
Yet here I am sobbing into my pillow again
Because he doesn't love me anymore.
I'm wearing my, "Love is beautiful" t-shirt
& named my newest frog Love
Laughing in class & smiling at home
Because I'm using the love I feel to help me go on.
After I hung up that phone, I made a promise to myself
I'd wait for him forever or until he sends me away
Pain will catch up to me eventually
But for now I'll keep busy
I never thought things would end this way
Never imagined how it would feel
Because being in love is far too easy.
The bliss & the peace of it is way too inviting
You meet that one special someone
His deep voice of velvet & his eyes as soft as cashmere.
Without your knowledge he makes his way into your heart.
He makes you believe in love
But then he goes away because he's not in love with you anymore.
Then being in love is the most painful thing in your life
Because you still love him.
So you sit on the bus sobbing quietly into your sweater
No one wants to sit next to you.
Alone.
The one word you've been avoiding.
Being in love can either make or break you.
I'm not sure which it is doing to me yet.
Because I still love him with my whole heart
A frog named Love, around my neck
Being in love is something I'll always carry with me
All I can say is a cliche.
No regrets & thanks for the memories.

I'm Fine

I fell pathetically in love
So truly, so deeply, so completely.
Hell, I'm still pathetically in love
But I've convinced myself that I'm fine
Which I am, as long as I don't see him or hear him.
Even a single post by him & I'm on my bum again.
Keeping him out of my mind is like no longer breathing.
But honestly, no matter what happens, I'm fine.
I've never had a classic love story.
No mix CDs, no days spent in each other's arms,
He didn't write me a single letter, not a single thing.
But not having those means I'm fine.
He gave me no explanation, no reason for his exit.
That voice of his, stone cold & emotionless
My question for him? Did he even care?
But it doesn't matter now because I'm fine.
We went further than I really wanted,
It felt nice in the moment,
Looking back it makes me sick,
But there's no point because I'm fine.
Isn't it funny how different we all are after a break up?
He's not the guy I've known him to be.
Love is a fickle friend, morphing us until we've gotten lost in translation.
But he's moved on, & I'm fine.
Stop looking at me like that
Pay no attention to my face, arms, & legs.
No, I'm no hurting myself, don't judge me
But your eyes say what your words don't so just trust me, I'm fine.
I'm still in love with him, he remains the air I breathe
You can't tell, I'm an actress
With my head held high I'll cover up my flaws
But don't believe me when I say I'm fine, because it's a lie.

The World Is A Playground

The world is a playground
Love is the swing
The pebbles are hatred
Monkey bars represent success.
But I can't seem to get off the swing.
I once had someone to swing with,
Until he jumped off right at the top.
Sadness is when it's time to go home.
One more swing you beg of time,
Another go on the monkey bars.
You'd even settle for a scraped knee,
Maybe even some pebbles in the wound.
Anything but going home.
The world is a playground
Jealousy is the slide
The initials in permanent marker are friendship
Tire swings are family gatherings
Still, I am clinging to my swing
His swing is slowing down
To & fro-ing less & less with each passing moment.
Loneliness is the teater-totter without someone to ride with.
You try so hard to make the other side go down
Stomping on the ground
Piling pebbles onto the seat
Nothing works, no amount of hate can fill that void.
So I give up.
I push those silly pebbles off,
Then I slip back on the swing.
Here I am, swinging back & forth on my own.
Love, it's what my life is about, loving him no matter what.
Swinging feels like flying, especially when you're alone.
My heart & I will always love him,
Because the world is a playground,
& I'm the kid.
Sometimes, people get bored of swinging
I never will, no matter how tired, or how scared.
This love will prove itself.
When it's time for others to come & leave,
My swing will keep on swinging,
Loving him enough to let him go.
The world is my playground,
& I love the swings.

Chase Them

Chase them, chase them round & round
Try to drown yourself in all the hotties you can find
Inside I'll bet you're hurting all the way down to your toes.
Lust for all those girls if you think it'll help
Just don't snap at my best friend, don't you dare
It's all your own fault if you are lonely on your own.
Chase them, hormonal boy until you realize the truth
No amount of attractive women are going to ease this pain.
I'm not saying that I'm the one for you
Only God knows that.
What I'm saying is that if in one month you're not happy yet,
Don't you think that there might be a flaw,
In the way you think?
Chase them, get on out there, find the hottest one.
Woo her, the way you once tried to woo me.
Send her those red roses & a box full of sweets.
I hope you find the passion you lost.
All I want is for you to be happy.
If you find a girl who does it for you, then great.
But I'll bet she'll never love you the way I do.
Chase them if you feel the need to.
Run after them & don't look back.
Now it's my turn to move on, silly boy.
Long will be the process of getting past you
The memories still pierce me through
Someday I will keep my pillow dry for a week,
& then I'll be the one who is finding someone else.
Chase them, please, so I can stop pretending
Once you do, I'll know it's truly over.
Go ahead, do all those thing I didn't want to.
But if at the end of the day, you feel the same,
What was the point of those flashes of ecstasy?
In the end, it's all about what last,
& if you find the answers that you're looking for,
Then chase them, silly boy, chase them until the end of time &don't look back.

Is It Time?

I spend everyday in complete silence,
Not a word that crosses my lips means anything.
My missing you is the only thought in my head.
But maybe one morning I'll wake up
& that piercing dull ache won't sting as much.
All I seem to do is waste my time
Sitting in front of my computer doing nothing.
Love, it's said, changes a person forever,
Cripples them, destroys them, turns them upside down
Yet something tells me, it's going to make me better
More clever, less selfish, most honest, less tactless.
Is it time for my transformation?
Shall I arise from my seat & change the world?
Is it time?
You are all I want, nothing can take your place.
No movie, no show, no store, no book, no bear, no frog, no food,
No hobby, no friend, no pet, no flirt, no crush, no anything.
Don't you doubt that for one second.
You can chase after whatever hot waitress you see
Just know that at the end of the day, I still miss you.
One of these days, I'm going to be okay again.
Then I'll be better than I've ever been.
Is it time for me to grow my wings?
Please say it's time for me to fly.
Is it time?
No matter what I try to tell myself.
You're the only reason I can write anymore.
Inspiration is hard to find in the life I live.
Resisting  the urge to hop on the next bus to you
Forcing my hand away from my phone
Doing my best to leave you alone,
Because I know that's what you want.
Who'd have thought I'd be on my knees over you
If I had known what love means, how it feels.
Caution would never have ended.
Walls would have been built to protect me.
Yet, I'm glad to have known.
Because now, I have inspiration, now I have a spark
Soon I will build it into a flame
Then it will be time.
When this pain becomes strength
Forcing me to get up & change myself
Into the best version of me.
Rising up & reaching for the will to live,
& challenging me to love with my whole heart again.
Only then will I spread my wings & soar.

People Always Leave

Anger, it bites us all some days
When it's not, angry is licking your heels
Slicing & burning you achilles tendon
Is it a wonder that people always leave?
Weakness, like an annoying little brother
Making you believe there's nothing you can do
Stabbing & beating your soul to a pulp
Is it a mystery that people always leave?
Sadness, gripping your heart with a cold hand
Freezing you cold vein by vein
Leaving a broken version of yourself behind
Is it a surprise that people leave?
Pain, often it crouches below the surface
Sipping the life from your soul so slowly
Turning you hard & empty in the core
How is it shocking when everybody leaves?
Everyday we wake up with this weight on our shoulders
The weight of every disappointment & every broken heart
All the dreams we've left unfulfilled slowly breaking our backs.
Remember we too always leave.
If he breaks your heart you're gone.
When your enemy is around you're gone
That kid wants help you're gone
So now you're the one who always leaves
No sex? You leave. Regret? You leave. Afraid? You leave.
You just keep on leaving.
How can you expect anyone else to stay?
I have succumbed to anger & weakness
Played the victim to sadness & pain
I too wake up with weights in my shoulders
But I have sworn to never leave.
Strength is a quiet whisper
Injecting you with warmth
Reminding you that someday, somewhere,
There will be someone who'll always stay.