I Like That You Make Me Smile

I can't help it, you make me smile

Unlike the other guys in my life

Not only that, but you're always there

Everything about you says "I don't care!"

You're weird & you wear it so well

I like you, you've won my heart

Whether or not you'll take it doesn't seem to matter

I'm not obsessed which is a nice change

No offense but you're not the only thing on my mind

The things you say have no hidden meaning

Around you I'm always at ease

Because I'm not worried about your judgement.

I'm no so worried about making you mine.

Just about keeping you as my friend.

We work so well together, you're never too serious

But most of all the things I like, I like that you make me smile.

You never change the way you act

In some company & in others.

You're also deep & think a lot which means that you can listen.

Life for you is a slow dance & I wish someday I'll cut in

But for now I'm fine with how things are.

Complicated doesn't seem to fit you

Labels just roll right off you

When you're with me I forget everything else

Those deep eyes of yours are close to swallowing me whole

Each time they meet mine I feel so warm

As if I've been wrapped in a warm quilt

Do you do this to every girl you happen to meet

Or have I simply won the jackpot?

Time will tell what happens from here

But I don't care as long, as we're still friends

You can tell me it won't work for us

Just as long as you keep making me smile

Because most of all the things I like about you,

I like that you make me smile.

Just a Feeling

Something about you feels so right.

The sound of your voice, the feel of your stare

I don't feel the need to prove myself to you.

Complications don't seem to exist here for us.

You don't want to date, I can always wait

As long as I can be your friend

My whole life I've waited for someone like you

The kind of guy who isn't going girl crazy.

I'm not going to build myself up

So you can never pull me down

But I'll always be here, a friend.

What are you looking for in me?

I'm not the type to hurt you

Pain is exactly the opposite of what I want for you

You're the only one who made me smile first.

Sing to me, in your deep warm voice.

Talk to me in your funny accents.

Laugh at me as you see me acting funny.

Can't you feel it too? The way we work?

I feel so good sitting next to you talking to me.

Do you feel it too?

We aren't the same, but that's what works

The fact that we are so different.

You understand me, I understand you

So I'll wait as long as I need to

As long as it takes for you to feel this too.

Feel the way we work so well

To know that we can make it together

Life may get me down sometimes

But I'll always be here to be your friend

Please let me know how you're feeling

Because I want to get to know you

You make me feel like I have a chance at a better life.

I'll Be Fine

Please don't doubt my strength now

Not when I need you most to go

Believe me, I'll be fine when you leave me

Just make sure it's not a show

I can stand on my own two feet

That's all I've done my whole life

Honest I can do it just pack up & go.

Look at yourself, who are you to tell me what to do?

You're just another one of those people

One who has to make themselves feel good

No matter the cost to anyone else.

I've been fine, honest I have, ever since I've been alone

Who are you to doubt my skill now?

Just because we live different lives doesn't mean you're better

It's not about that, at least not for me

All this time it's been about me gaining my own life.

Not about competing to see who is more busy.

Please act your age, be my mother, not a school rival.

Let me go mom, I'll be fine.

He made mistakes, put his love in a game

Forgetting what it's like to be with real live people.

I'm not your son, nor am I out to make your life Hell,

The only purpose I serve is to fix what has been broken.

As for treating me like I'm five, you know better

Give these things to my siblings, they're the ones who need it.

Mom, look at me, straight in the eyes.

What about these eyes give you reason to fear me?

Why do you feel the need to fight me?

Go mom, just go & get out

To many times have you broken those promises

I need you to leave, to get help

Because I don't need you.

I would be way further if you hadn't ran your own agenda.

Please mom.

Let me go.

I'll be fine.

Things I Miss

I miss being held by a boy

I miss feeling joy

& days filled with chalk

I miss being able to just simply talk.

I miss having guy friends

I miss feeling special when the day ends

I miss drinking tea

& how funny it was to really have to pee.

I miss watching the buses go around & around

& I miss the wind, the touch, the feel, the sound.

I miss sleeping in on a cold wintery day

& also spending time to just play.

Is it bad that I miss telling lies?

I miss all of those happy-go-lucky good-byes.

I miss flying way up in the sky

& I miss not having to ask why.

I miss the innocence of our minds

& the love shown in all different shapes & kinds.

I miss being able to just throw a fit

Not caring if the reason is legit.

I miss not having to grow up

& I miss drinking from a sippy cup

I miss so much not feeling scared

When talking to older kids was being prepared.

I hate the fact that I miss seeing you

Being without you makes me blue

I miss having an older brother to talk to.

When name calling was the worst I could do.

I miss knowing that someone will always be there

& I miss especially not having to care.

But of all the things that I miss a lot

There is one person I miss most without any thought,

He is the person I leaned on most too

What I guess I'm trying to say, is that I miss you.

Growing Up In This World

Floating downward toward a terrifying sight

I'm not sure why I'm clawing to get away from it

There's nothing to fear, in growing up is there?

All I see below me is college & working.

It's so scary I can hardly stop my heart from heart attacking

What would I give to turn around & fly back in time.

Growing up is so frightening when you've got no one to turn to

Parents who expect you to just learn how to swim

Weight of my life keeps dragging me under water

No life vest, no little life preserver to grab on to.

Doing this alone is way way way too much for me

I'm drowning & no one is going to save me

Maybe I'll die, but at least I'll know that I did my best to live

Still, I'm trying , pushing my mouth toward the surface

Always wonderings what it'd be like to have parents who help you

Instead of an extra pair of bosses whom I can't get away from

Can't even get a break from, they cannot be my real parents

So cold & awkward, neglectful & hurtful

How on earth can they claim to do everything for me?

Pain, it's always with me physically, emotionally it's always there

No one to turn to, nothing to cling to but a dream

A dream no one will let me follow

Tension is my other constant, muscles never relaxing

Because of this lifestyle I lead, it follows me

Sometimes even into my dreams

Hide, all I want to do is hide, but I can't, so I do the opposite

In a crowd I'm loud & crazy as can be

Which indirectly hides me, all they see is loud & obnoxious

Even though that's hardly me

Squeezing my eyes shut, hugging my body in

Falling faster into the pit of growing up

Petrified of failing horribly, of ruining every single thing

I'm scared, so much so I make myself sick

From worries about what could be

Losing sight of my beautiful summers

I want to go home, but to a real home.

A home where I feel welcomed & loved & cared for.

To a home where I can rest quietly.

Hypocrisy At It's Greatest

Shape yourself out of people's mistakes

Don't judge as often as admire

Hiding only creates another enemy, yourself

Bless people if not out loud then in your mind

Life is too short to live it incorrectly.

Most don't get it until the very end

But that's too late to fix what is broken

They only get it part way fixed before they've gone

Why waste away your days in constant pettiness?

What does that accomplish but hurting you?

It's so easy to just do for yourself, & forget those around you

The matter of the fact is that humans are human.

I'm human, you're human, he's human, she's human.

Society feeds our greed & brainlessness

All we see is perfection & seamlessness,

Never noticing how artificial & upsetting it all is.

Time, for those people, drags on & on,

Eye's never leaving the clock, begging the minutes to fly

Masks, how beautiful yet tragic they are.

Blocking out all originality by disguising who you are

Do you wear one to hide all the disappointment on that face?

Is this what we've come to, wasting away behind all these doors?

Open mine, go ahead, if you can.

Here I am, lecturing you when my door is like another part of the wall

Sealed & barricaded, to hide my secrets

All I can do is try, just like you, just like them.

Trying to learn from everyone's mistakes,

To admire & bless all we meet.

Who knows how to live "correctly"?

Best we can do is try, only try.

Try to make people's days, to make them smile, simply to try.

I will if you will

Live It Up

Little tiny people dancing in the square

Pretending they do not care

Every little thing those little people do,

Is watched, how do you know that no one's watching you?

Sitting alone in class

Wishing you could be outside in the grass

All those moments you wasted away

You want them back, come what may.

Those people in the square know they're being seen

As if they're on some strange gigantic screen.

Broadcasted across the world like some kind of show

Each one trying to be the best, to glow

Isn't that what we each want?

To have a lot of talents to flaunt?

When will we look for the magic in life?

Everyday we only focus on pain & strife

Life has so much more to give

All that we must do is truly live.

Flowing through the motions

Will only wash you into the oceans

There are so many ways

To fill these crazy days

Little games or treats or joys

Which can help you block out the noise

No sense in wasting your time

On a life that is less than sublime

Stop waiting for your life to start

Do it yourself, follow your heart

Be the one to notice the people in the street

They who are following each & every beat

Without those who stray from the path

We still wouldn't be able to take a bath

Step up, reach out, be alive & feel the magic.

I want to be the mover, the shaker, the wizard, the quaker

She who can do nothing wrong in anyone's eyes.

Each day I stand before you waiting for you to say something

To open your lips & tell me I'm beautiful

But I'm not that girl, I'm just wall paper

Another student in another class at your school.

You don't have to tell me I'm not the dating type, I know that.

I'm the best friend, the one no one ever dreams of dating.

That much I do know, because that's how it;s always been.

Cute & adorable? Hot & datable? I'm neither.

Girly is not what I am, beautiful is not what I am.

Plain & ordinary, like the next page of this notebook.

When I walk by, no one even looks twice because who notices the furniture?

Flirty, I'm not, reliability is all I've got.

Even that bores guys out of their minds.

I am a book, deep & intellectual, difficult, & hard to read.

Other girls are magazines, simple but pretty, exciting but short lived.

Serious, I'm far too serious & complicated too.

Anything a guy wants I haven't got, not a single thing.

No girlish giggle, nor perfect face to draw a male in

Nothing but a clumsy, ridiculous life & look.

I do try, but it hardily works.

So everyday I come to school & try to put out my best

But no one notices me, so how can I become who I want to be?

While each day passes, I find myself fading away.

Only wishing to dream of the magic I used to feel

Moving people with every word I said.

Shaking their worlds with my talents.

I tricked people into believing I had the magic of power,

& I made kids quake when I walked through the halls.

Now I'm part of the scenery of someone else's love story,

How much longer must I wait until I am once again,

Moving, shaking, whizzing, & quaking the world?

Memory Lane

Taking a walk through memory lane

Remembering those summers spent in blissful happiness

Tip toeing through the halls I used to conquer,

Sniffing the smells that are better than any perfume

For perfumes are only scented water, holding no memories, no emotion.

This wraps me in rememberings of the best days of my life.

Days engulfed in playing & laughter, along with adventures

Spending time with people who loved me so very much,

No matter what mommy says.

I pray I never forget those summers

When I got to test my wings for a few special days

Those days made me who I am now

I got to control my fate, got to make decisions.

Got to stay up late & sleep in, got to get presents of the most wondrous kind.

Nostalgia of this kind is the best

Allowing the pictures to run through my mind

Re-assembling those beautiful clips of my other life.

It was my safe place, my harbor.

How my little heart broke when it was striped from me.

How many nights I cried for the things I'd never get back

My childish hands clasping around the beautiful gifts as I tried to stay strong.

But what is done, is done, life has gone on.

My heart is still so open to them, still wide open.

That was a different time of my life.

A time when I had an older companion, a big brother.

A time when there had been no boys to twist my heart into something I can't recognize.

Those days are long since past, but I have a feeling they are still here.

Inside our minds & inside our heart

Learning things, growing up that's what did happen.

It is still happening, every second.

They were the people who believed I could be anything

I want to think they still do, but so many don't.

What does it matter? It will only ruin happy recollections

Of days I wish hadn't had to end.

Because when I walk through that house,

I am eight again, feeling so safe in their loving arms.

Rainbow

I'm a rainbow

But I'm not so beautiful

Too many colors to make me work

It may be impossible to make sense of

For I am too much for most to handle

When you look at me, all you see is a face.

Not ugly, not pretty, just an ordinary face.

That is all I am to you, if even that

Perhaps I'm simply a body that gets in your way

Or a mass, not a girl or a guy.

How sad, that I am too much for you

Why can't you just get over it?

Rainbows are often unseen or forgotten

But they are also a promise from God.

As am I, a promise that you'll never be alone.

It doesn't matter how well you know me

If I'm not here emotionally, I am physically

You can always depend on my being around

Every single day, I will be a mass

Depend upon it, I be here to get in the way.

Some day I'll be beautiful

Maybe then I'll be more than a mass

What will happen then? Will you see me?

That day may not be too far away.

Everyday I'm a little more beautiful

Taking baby steps to my true potential

A beautiful ray of colors, arched across the sky

Perfection in the imperfection of humanity

Holding out my hands & what will happen then>

I'll be more than a mass, more than a face.

You'll understand me at long last

Music will be he air we breathe

And we'll be people, rainbows, all connected.