I'm not sure why I'm clawing to get away from it
There's nothing to fear, in growing up is there?
All I see below me is college & working.
It's so scary I can hardly stop my heart from heart attacking
What would I give to turn around & fly back in time.
Growing up is so frightening when you've got no one to turn to
Parents who expect you to just learn how to swim
Weight of my life keeps dragging me under water
No life vest, no little life preserver to grab on to.
Doing this alone is way way way too much for me
I'm drowning & no one is going to save me
Maybe I'll die, but at least I'll know that I did my best to live
Still, I'm trying , pushing my mouth toward the surface
Always wonderings what it'd be like to have parents who help you
Instead of an extra pair of bosses whom I can't get away from
Can't even get a break from, they cannot be my real parents
So cold & awkward, neglectful & hurtful
How on earth can they claim to do everything for me?
Pain, it's always with me physically, emotionally it's always there
No one to turn to, nothing to cling to but a dream
A dream no one will let me follow
Tension is my other constant, muscles never relaxing
Because of this lifestyle I lead, it follows me
Sometimes even into my dreams
Hide, all I want to do is hide, but I can't, so I do the opposite
In a crowd I'm loud & crazy as can be
Which indirectly hides me, all they see is loud & obnoxious
Even though that's hardly me
Squeezing my eyes shut, hugging my body in
Falling faster into the pit of growing up
Petrified of failing horribly, of ruining every single thing
I'm scared, so much so I make myself sick
From worries about what could be
Losing sight of my beautiful summers
I want to go home, but to a real home.
A home where I feel welcomed & loved & cared for.
To a home where I can rest quietly.
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