My Life is a Mess

I have a bunch of poems that I'm going to post but I'm in my basement on an old bed wrapped in a quilt & I'm far too comfortable to move. A lot has gone on & I know there's a lot that I've learned. First & foremost that I am the best friend. A guy may come along & make me smile too much & make me feel so happy but at the end of the day, he'll find someone else who is prettier & better. Also that I just have to butch up & deal with the pain. I feel so lost. I've been single for 2 years & it's getting harder & harder. I want stuff. Stuff to take up my time. A Mac Book, a camera, my own room, a studio, a beau. Lots of things. I want to have a car & a show & to never leave the dance floor. I want it to just be me with music playing & me dancing all day long. I want to show the world my talents & my goals. I want people to me for me, but no one is willing to pay attention to my life. No one is listening to me. I don't know how to fix things in my life when I have no control. I let people use me because I don't want to lose the things I want most. My parents, the boys, some friends. I just don't know how to do this. I have no power over my life. It's scary & depressing & awful. I'll write more later when I'm less distracted & less depressed. There's too much going on to type here.