I wrote this ages ago but never typed it up.

Some days, I imagine that one day, while cleaning our house, someone is going to find my missing piece. The piece I lost all those months ago, the piece that would stop my migraines, make me happy again, find me the guy I've been looking for all my life. Because I can remember a time when something wasn't missing, when I was happy, & peaceful ... or as peaceful as I'll ever get. I'm so sick of feeling this way, as though there's something blocking passage in my head. I forget things ALL THE TIME, I space out, my neck is constantly stiff, & I just feel as though there's something seriously wrong with me. It's frustrating because that blockage is stopping me from being me & I'm never ever going to get a guy if I am not who I am. Hence why Brooke gets Bob & I get ... my obsessions. Brooke deserves a guy like Bob, she really does. Me? I'll just keep looking, searching for that piece of me that's missing, trying to express who I am through this wall I've put up. Who knows? Maybe I'll make it through all of high school without a boy friend. In September it will be 3 years. Brooke was so shocked when she found out it's been 3 years since I kissed a guy, held his hand, was in a relationship ... wow. 3 whole years ... I hate days like this. All I want is to live alone. I guess I was born to be alone. I'll bet if I asked my friends, they'd say they could see me being single my whole life ... hell, I could see it. Just me, in a condo, with a yorkie named Phidipedies, grading English papers, music playing in the back ground, surrounded by a clean place with books & CDs & DVDs & Teddy Bears, & Froggies, & Plants. It doesn't sound too bad really. ;) But I won't lie, if a guy came along who was a good guy & insane enough to date me, I'd be with him. But odds are I'm going to be single for a very long time sooo ... time to devote myself to being a grade A nerd. Brooke can have enough fun for the both of us. ;) Oh & Brooke, if you're reading this, I mean it. You are worth it & you deserve a great guy like Bob okay? Don't worry about me, I'm freaking Pette Pan. Well I should get back to cleaning ... Ciao!