Happenings

So much has been going on. It's like a circle in my head. It's not fair, I miss him, I miss them, I miss me, it's not fair, she always gets what she wants, he always get what he wants, no one ever wants me, I miss him, it's not fair, I want school, I hate work, I need sun, I want to be pretty, it's not fair, I love him, I love her, I love God, I love life, I miss them, I miss me. Round & round I go & I feel as though it's never going to end. My world is one big circle of self pity & pain. But then I am up, but then I go down, & some where along the way I get all turned around & it's not fair, it's not fair, that I never seem to get what I want, that she always wins, that I had to give it all up. I forgot how much I missed my big brother, how good it felt to tease him, to talk to him, to see him all the time. I forgot how much my little cousins loved me & it's not fair how most of them have forgotten. I try so hard to be perfect, & still I am not the type of girl boys want. I have too much personality, I have morals, I won't allow anyone to walk all over me, & I'm scared & it's not fair, but that's life & I hate it but I love it. I'm jealous of my friends, I'm jealous of my family, I'm jealous of who I used to be. But even still I sit in the sun & I'm who I want to be. I write with chalk on the ground & I know I'm going to be okay. I wish I could make people stay. But they come & they go, they're here, then they're gone. More people come, then they go. But that's life & I have surgery & so do others, & school starts & we're all busy. But I still miss him & miss her & miss them & miss me. I wish this & I wish that, & I wish on stars & at times & on rocks. This is my life, & I guess I'm okay. ;)