I Like That You Make Me Smile

I can't help it, you make me smile

Unlike the other guys in my life

Not only that, but you're always there

Everything about you says "I don't care!"

You're weird & you wear it so well

I like you, you've won my heart

Whether or not you'll take it doesn't seem to matter

I'm not obsessed which is a nice change

No offense but you're not the only thing on my mind

The things you say have no hidden meaning

Around you I'm always at ease

Because I'm not worried about your judgement.

I'm no so worried about making you mine.

Just about keeping you as my friend.

We work so well together, you're never too serious

But most of all the things I like, I like that you make me smile.

You never change the way you act

In some company & in others.

You're also deep & think a lot which means that you can listen.

Life for you is a slow dance & I wish someday I'll cut in

But for now I'm fine with how things are.

Complicated doesn't seem to fit you

Labels just roll right off you

When you're with me I forget everything else

Those deep eyes of yours are close to swallowing me whole

Each time they meet mine I feel so warm

As if I've been wrapped in a warm quilt

Do you do this to every girl you happen to meet

Or have I simply won the jackpot?

Time will tell what happens from here

But I don't care as long, as we're still friends

You can tell me it won't work for us

Just as long as you keep making me smile

Because most of all the things I like about you,

I like that you make me smile.

Just a Feeling

Something about you feels so right.

The sound of your voice, the feel of your stare

I don't feel the need to prove myself to you.

Complications don't seem to exist here for us.

You don't want to date, I can always wait

As long as I can be your friend

My whole life I've waited for someone like you

The kind of guy who isn't going girl crazy.

I'm not going to build myself up

So you can never pull me down

But I'll always be here, a friend.

What are you looking for in me?

I'm not the type to hurt you

Pain is exactly the opposite of what I want for you

You're the only one who made me smile first.

Sing to me, in your deep warm voice.

Talk to me in your funny accents.

Laugh at me as you see me acting funny.

Can't you feel it too? The way we work?

I feel so good sitting next to you talking to me.

Do you feel it too?

We aren't the same, but that's what works

The fact that we are so different.

You understand me, I understand you

So I'll wait as long as I need to

As long as it takes for you to feel this too.

Feel the way we work so well

To know that we can make it together

Life may get me down sometimes

But I'll always be here to be your friend

Please let me know how you're feeling

Because I want to get to know you

You make me feel like I have a chance at a better life.

I'll Be Fine

Please don't doubt my strength now

Not when I need you most to go

Believe me, I'll be fine when you leave me

Just make sure it's not a show

I can stand on my own two feet

That's all I've done my whole life

Honest I can do it just pack up & go.

Look at yourself, who are you to tell me what to do?

You're just another one of those people

One who has to make themselves feel good

No matter the cost to anyone else.

I've been fine, honest I have, ever since I've been alone

Who are you to doubt my skill now?

Just because we live different lives doesn't mean you're better

It's not about that, at least not for me

All this time it's been about me gaining my own life.

Not about competing to see who is more busy.

Please act your age, be my mother, not a school rival.

Let me go mom, I'll be fine.

He made mistakes, put his love in a game

Forgetting what it's like to be with real live people.

I'm not your son, nor am I out to make your life Hell,

The only purpose I serve is to fix what has been broken.

As for treating me like I'm five, you know better

Give these things to my siblings, they're the ones who need it.

Mom, look at me, straight in the eyes.

What about these eyes give you reason to fear me?

Why do you feel the need to fight me?

Go mom, just go & get out

To many times have you broken those promises

I need you to leave, to get help

Because I don't need you.

I would be way further if you hadn't ran your own agenda.

Please mom.

Let me go.

I'll be fine.

Things I Miss

I miss being held by a boy

I miss feeling joy

& days filled with chalk

I miss being able to just simply talk.

I miss having guy friends

I miss feeling special when the day ends

I miss drinking tea

& how funny it was to really have to pee.

I miss watching the buses go around & around

& I miss the wind, the touch, the feel, the sound.

I miss sleeping in on a cold wintery day

& also spending time to just play.

Is it bad that I miss telling lies?

I miss all of those happy-go-lucky good-byes.

I miss flying way up in the sky

& I miss not having to ask why.

I miss the innocence of our minds

& the love shown in all different shapes & kinds.

I miss being able to just throw a fit

Not caring if the reason is legit.

I miss not having to grow up

& I miss drinking from a sippy cup

I miss so much not feeling scared

When talking to older kids was being prepared.

I hate the fact that I miss seeing you

Being without you makes me blue

I miss having an older brother to talk to.

When name calling was the worst I could do.

I miss knowing that someone will always be there

& I miss especially not having to care.

But of all the things that I miss a lot

There is one person I miss most without any thought,

He is the person I leaned on most too

What I guess I'm trying to say, is that I miss you.

Growing Up In This World

Floating downward toward a terrifying sight

I'm not sure why I'm clawing to get away from it

There's nothing to fear, in growing up is there?

All I see below me is college & working.

It's so scary I can hardly stop my heart from heart attacking

What would I give to turn around & fly back in time.

Growing up is so frightening when you've got no one to turn to

Parents who expect you to just learn how to swim

Weight of my life keeps dragging me under water

No life vest, no little life preserver to grab on to.

Doing this alone is way way way too much for me

I'm drowning & no one is going to save me

Maybe I'll die, but at least I'll know that I did my best to live

Still, I'm trying , pushing my mouth toward the surface

Always wonderings what it'd be like to have parents who help you

Instead of an extra pair of bosses whom I can't get away from

Can't even get a break from, they cannot be my real parents

So cold & awkward, neglectful & hurtful

How on earth can they claim to do everything for me?

Pain, it's always with me physically, emotionally it's always there

No one to turn to, nothing to cling to but a dream

A dream no one will let me follow

Tension is my other constant, muscles never relaxing

Because of this lifestyle I lead, it follows me

Sometimes even into my dreams

Hide, all I want to do is hide, but I can't, so I do the opposite

In a crowd I'm loud & crazy as can be

Which indirectly hides me, all they see is loud & obnoxious

Even though that's hardly me

Squeezing my eyes shut, hugging my body in

Falling faster into the pit of growing up

Petrified of failing horribly, of ruining every single thing

I'm scared, so much so I make myself sick

From worries about what could be

Losing sight of my beautiful summers

I want to go home, but to a real home.

A home where I feel welcomed & loved & cared for.

To a home where I can rest quietly.

Hypocrisy At It's Greatest

Shape yourself out of people's mistakes

Don't judge as often as admire

Hiding only creates another enemy, yourself

Bless people if not out loud then in your mind

Life is too short to live it incorrectly.

Most don't get it until the very end

But that's too late to fix what is broken

They only get it part way fixed before they've gone

Why waste away your days in constant pettiness?

What does that accomplish but hurting you?

It's so easy to just do for yourself, & forget those around you

The matter of the fact is that humans are human.

I'm human, you're human, he's human, she's human.

Society feeds our greed & brainlessness

All we see is perfection & seamlessness,

Never noticing how artificial & upsetting it all is.

Time, for those people, drags on & on,

Eye's never leaving the clock, begging the minutes to fly

Masks, how beautiful yet tragic they are.

Blocking out all originality by disguising who you are

Do you wear one to hide all the disappointment on that face?

Is this what we've come to, wasting away behind all these doors?

Open mine, go ahead, if you can.

Here I am, lecturing you when my door is like another part of the wall

Sealed & barricaded, to hide my secrets

All I can do is try, just like you, just like them.

Trying to learn from everyone's mistakes,

To admire & bless all we meet.

Who knows how to live "correctly"?

Best we can do is try, only try.

Try to make people's days, to make them smile, simply to try.

I will if you will

Live It Up

Little tiny people dancing in the square

Pretending they do not care

Every little thing those little people do,

Is watched, how do you know that no one's watching you?

Sitting alone in class

Wishing you could be outside in the grass

All those moments you wasted away

You want them back, come what may.

Those people in the square know they're being seen

As if they're on some strange gigantic screen.

Broadcasted across the world like some kind of show

Each one trying to be the best, to glow

Isn't that what we each want?

To have a lot of talents to flaunt?

When will we look for the magic in life?

Everyday we only focus on pain & strife

Life has so much more to give

All that we must do is truly live.

Flowing through the motions

Will only wash you into the oceans

There are so many ways

To fill these crazy days

Little games or treats or joys

Which can help you block out the noise

No sense in wasting your time

On a life that is less than sublime

Stop waiting for your life to start

Do it yourself, follow your heart

Be the one to notice the people in the street

They who are following each & every beat

Without those who stray from the path

We still wouldn't be able to take a bath

Step up, reach out, be alive & feel the magic.

I want to be the mover, the shaker, the wizard, the quaker

She who can do nothing wrong in anyone's eyes.

Each day I stand before you waiting for you to say something

To open your lips & tell me I'm beautiful

But I'm not that girl, I'm just wall paper

Another student in another class at your school.

You don't have to tell me I'm not the dating type, I know that.

I'm the best friend, the one no one ever dreams of dating.

That much I do know, because that's how it;s always been.

Cute & adorable? Hot & datable? I'm neither.

Girly is not what I am, beautiful is not what I am.

Plain & ordinary, like the next page of this notebook.

When I walk by, no one even looks twice because who notices the furniture?

Flirty, I'm not, reliability is all I've got.

Even that bores guys out of their minds.

I am a book, deep & intellectual, difficult, & hard to read.

Other girls are magazines, simple but pretty, exciting but short lived.

Serious, I'm far too serious & complicated too.

Anything a guy wants I haven't got, not a single thing.

No girlish giggle, nor perfect face to draw a male in

Nothing but a clumsy, ridiculous life & look.

I do try, but it hardily works.

So everyday I come to school & try to put out my best

But no one notices me, so how can I become who I want to be?

While each day passes, I find myself fading away.

Only wishing to dream of the magic I used to feel

Moving people with every word I said.

Shaking their worlds with my talents.

I tricked people into believing I had the magic of power,

& I made kids quake when I walked through the halls.

Now I'm part of the scenery of someone else's love story,

How much longer must I wait until I am once again,

Moving, shaking, whizzing, & quaking the world?

Memory Lane

Taking a walk through memory lane

Remembering those summers spent in blissful happiness

Tip toeing through the halls I used to conquer,

Sniffing the smells that are better than any perfume

For perfumes are only scented water, holding no memories, no emotion.

This wraps me in rememberings of the best days of my life.

Days engulfed in playing & laughter, along with adventures

Spending time with people who loved me so very much,

No matter what mommy says.

I pray I never forget those summers

When I got to test my wings for a few special days

Those days made me who I am now

I got to control my fate, got to make decisions.

Got to stay up late & sleep in, got to get presents of the most wondrous kind.

Nostalgia of this kind is the best

Allowing the pictures to run through my mind

Re-assembling those beautiful clips of my other life.

It was my safe place, my harbor.

How my little heart broke when it was striped from me.

How many nights I cried for the things I'd never get back

My childish hands clasping around the beautiful gifts as I tried to stay strong.

But what is done, is done, life has gone on.

My heart is still so open to them, still wide open.

That was a different time of my life.

A time when I had an older companion, a big brother.

A time when there had been no boys to twist my heart into something I can't recognize.

Those days are long since past, but I have a feeling they are still here.

Inside our minds & inside our heart

Learning things, growing up that's what did happen.

It is still happening, every second.

They were the people who believed I could be anything

I want to think they still do, but so many don't.

What does it matter? It will only ruin happy recollections

Of days I wish hadn't had to end.

Because when I walk through that house,

I am eight again, feeling so safe in their loving arms.

Rainbow

I'm a rainbow

But I'm not so beautiful

Too many colors to make me work

It may be impossible to make sense of

For I am too much for most to handle

When you look at me, all you see is a face.

Not ugly, not pretty, just an ordinary face.

That is all I am to you, if even that

Perhaps I'm simply a body that gets in your way

Or a mass, not a girl or a guy.

How sad, that I am too much for you

Why can't you just get over it?

Rainbows are often unseen or forgotten

But they are also a promise from God.

As am I, a promise that you'll never be alone.

It doesn't matter how well you know me

If I'm not here emotionally, I am physically

You can always depend on my being around

Every single day, I will be a mass

Depend upon it, I be here to get in the way.

Some day I'll be beautiful

Maybe then I'll be more than a mass

What will happen then? Will you see me?

That day may not be too far away.

Everyday I'm a little more beautiful

Taking baby steps to my true potential

A beautiful ray of colors, arched across the sky

Perfection in the imperfection of humanity

Holding out my hands & what will happen then>

I'll be more than a mass, more than a face.

You'll understand me at long last

Music will be he air we breathe

And we'll be people, rainbows, all connected.

Innocence

I am not your little sister.

Nor am I innocent as you deem me,

Morals doesn't make me innocent nor young.

Just because I am not as vulgarly open as you are, doesn't make me less.

Don't put me down so you can move up.

I know where my real intentions lie.

You don't know what that means,

You only think of what you may have to gain

& it hurts me, I will not deny.

You could have been so much more than you are

All of you wouldn't be where you are,

If you would have thought before you leaped into that monster's jaw.

I wish you would learn before you make an enormous mistake.

But I know you won't, because that's who you've become.

My heart breaks & then it boils

For the innocence you threw away

I'm sorry that you never learned what I know.

Because from now on you'll pay on & on.

You won't even know it until everything is done.

Don't call me young & innocence because I have pride.

Just because I don't find pleasure in being vulgar doesn't mean I don't know.

So keep your judgements off of me & I'll keep mine off of you.

I'll be here once you realize that this life is the one everyone takes.

& that it's not the one you want to.

Sex

I am a black sheep. Honestly this entire society is becoming run off of sexuality. It makes me SO mad. Is that silly? I don't think so. All I hear from my friends is sex sometimes & it just makes my blood boil. They have no idea. They just don't & they may never understand how precious & beautiful it is supposed & how ill they treat it. To them, it's all selfish & repulsive. Honestly I can't listen to them for longer than 10 min without wanting to barf. I'm not innocent because I value what sex is. That's not innocence. Innocence is the lack of knowledge. I've lost faith in my generation. Complete & total failures is all my generation is going to turn into if we can't get our hormones in check. It's time to step it up & realize what LIFE is about. It's not that. Don't have random sex & then claim that you can kill an unborn life because you wanted to feel good. That is the epitome of selfishness. ARG it makes me so mad. Don't create life if you aren't ready to take care of it. I guess that's what people don't want to believe is that sex isn't about you, it's about life. It's about creating something & bringing him or her into a world of love and safety. But that's not what my ignorant generation thinks of. They just think about themselves and how they feel at that moment. It makes me so mad. SO MAD!!!!!!!!

Ventadge

So I'm trying to find myself. I know that sounds weird since most people can look at me and say,"Hey, there's a girl who knows who she is & is comfortable with that." Well, I'm a liar. Or an actress, that sounds less dramatic. I actually have no idea who I am. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out who I should be & hiding the pains that come with life that now it's hurting me. People think I'm a poser or liar & they're right but about the wrong things. The things that ARE the truth most people are thinking is the lie. Plus how can I act a character when I'm already playing a character? See my problem? SO I'm trying to find the real me. It's buried, I mean I have to go through over 12 years of character creation! I'm trying though, I really am, but sometimes I forget. I need to get away for awhile. By myself. Somewhere peaceful. That was the real reason I wanted to go to Indiana, to find myself beside a lake, far away from the people who hold their power over me the way a king & queen hold their power of the kingdom. They aren't horrible people & they do try to be kind, but they aren't. But I can't go to Indiana, so my plan B is St. Olaf. It seems like a really sweet school & it's an hour away which is plenty far (not as far as I'd like but that's life). I'm so deprived. There are three boys I could like at any given moment. One is completely & totally off limits at this point, & the other I doubt would ever go for a nut like me. Which I'm partly glad about because I'm a lot to deal with. Gah I needed to say those things. No I probably will not have a boy friend for a couple more years & no one notices that I'm not exactly there everyday because they're busy worrying about themselves & everyone else. I actually enjoy it. I like being invisible. My friends see me & say "You look cute today!" check it off their list & continue on. Oh goodness I'm just venting now but since there isn't really anyone else to vent to I have to find someone to do that for me & since I have 2 followers, both of which are extremely busy, I think I'm safe.

Empty Bodied Person

Can you feel it?
Pulsing through my veins at a hundred miles per hour.
How can you claim to be alive when all you do is stand in line
You dance when the people say dance,
You're dead face starring only forwards, you don't seem to feel a thing
If you cut yourself would you bleed?
I'm not sure who you are, or what you are.
Never open in your eyes, the second time
Do you feel when the sun kisses your cheek
Can you know what I mean, why are you still starring at me blankly?
Perhaps you are not alive, just a simple shadow passing by
On the wall, all you are is the paint that eventually peals right off
Have you ever known what it is to love someone.
To put your arms around a best friend and lean on them?
Are you even capable of comradeship, or do you only work alone?
I pity you, you empty bodied person.
What it must be like to never feel emotion.
To never know what it is to cry.
Little tear drops tragically slipping down your face.
Can you never mourn or scream, or shout for joy?
How on earth can you still be alive?
There's a difference from being alive and living.
You my dear are simply living, or getting by.
But to be alive is to feel the rushing water,
The spirit in the mountain and the rain.
All I feel is pity for a being like yourself,
Someone who chose to float with the current.
All you'll ever know is how to say "Hey." or "Hello."
To a bunch of people you don't really know.

Growing Up

So I had a dream last night that I was going to graduate today & I totally lost it. I sobbed for a REALLY long time ... I am completely petrified of growing up. Suddenly, there are 250000000000000000 new responsibilities and you have to know how to take all of that crap and turn it into something beautiful. I won't lie, I'm scared shit less. I have to be starting my new job soon, and drive, and look at colleges, and take the ACT all while having daily migraines that no one can seem to fix ... and still be expected to keep my sanity! I want to go to Neverland and never have to grow up. Wouldn't that be easier? Just to run away from my problems? I was never the type to run away from something that means the world to me. And I won't either. I will go to a good college, and fall in love with some great guy and have a full and beautiful life. No one can stop me, not even me, because there's part of me that can't wait to grow up. The part that made me go on Steel Venom just to shake myself so I can do anything. Yes I'm scared, scared I'll fail, scared I won't be strong enough, scared I'll ruin everything for myself, but let's face it, even I don't have that kind of control over my life. In the end I just gotta trust God knows what He's doing up there. Ugh my nerves can't handle this. I'm making baby steps, getting into the higher dance level, driving my dog to the vet, looking at colleges and trying to study for the ACT. It's not easy when my migraines make me feel like a different person, but I've got help. Just look at how amazing my friends are! Always there, putting up with me and my OCD self. I am pathetic. Always afraid to step out into the open, fearful of the people who I know judge me every single day. Ugh I'm working on it. I'm working out, practicing stuff, trying my best to get on top of my game. I'll be fine, I will. I've got my game plan. Well here's to hoping. This should be the week guys.

You have to take the good with the bad
The truth with the lie,
The pain with the comfort.
That's the way that life is, always up & down
Never one straight path.
As I sit cross legged in the car I stare up at the biggest marvel
The sky so large & complicated,
Sometimes I wish it would just swallow me whole
Clouds doing ballets in the air.
Sending beautiful beams of light down to my eyes.
Imagining how intricate those little wisps must be.
We all need to find the beauty in the simple things.
Find the fortune inside those cheap little cookies.
Because if we wait around for the good to come our way,
We may miss the pretty sparkles showing us that life isn't about the big things.
Life is all about the small.

Hey guys ... or just Sarah ... I'm in Aurora, IL & it's you know ... The girls here aren't the friendliest ... but you know it's a place to stay so I won't complain. Anyways we're going to visit Berny at 5 & have dinner ... she's dying sooo you know mom loves her & she's a sweetie so it's all good. I'm pretty tired because Anna is the worst bed mate you could ever have, but I've always known that. So I miss my buddies a lot. Life is just this big mess of fun & sadness, we've gotta learn to cope with it. Hold on I feel some magical words coming on ... I better start writing another poem! OOOO one more thing! I'm writing a book-ish thing ... & I should probably eat breakfast ...

Dreams

Fulfilling dreams form ages ago seems so hopeless but when you really look at it, those who've kept dreams and fulfilled them are more happy than people who fulfilled dreams that were made within a couple weeks. Lift to me is so much more fun if you go out and experience it yourself. Sitting in a room having someone teach you is fine, but sometimes you just need to go out and learn things for yourself. I have dreamed of a world where you could do things for you, not someone else. Where you live for today not tomorrow. No one can tell you what to do or how to do it. There you don't have to deal with adults who don't fell like having fun. Sure some adults are awesome but some want to control every move I make. Never let people control who you are. No one is worth that much. Only God should have that power. Don't lose yourself just because someone is a different way. Love WHO you are more than WHAT you are. Dream. If you don't have your dreams you don't really have yourself. When you feel like giving up, and throwing in the towel, don't. Life may get you down every once in a while but if you give in what's the point of starting? When you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I always will be. Sometimes it may not seem that way, but I always will.
... Okay I wrote that forever ago & forgot how completely and totally cheesy that was ... but I'll stick with it because what am I if not cheesy? I may edit this later ...

AHHH!!! I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow but 2 of my best friends came back from their trips yesterday! Sarah's been gone for super long & Abbey only a week but ... =-( I want to be able to see them. This trip is going to be SUPER short though ... but oh well such is life. I am so very tired ... & hungry. I'm also bothered because my little brother took the wii remotes & that means I am unable to play right now. Today is going to be filled with cleaning & packing, I think I'm ready for that. I'll try to keep blogging whilst I am gone, but I'm not sure how much mom & dad will allow me. :/ I'll come up with something brilliant to say later. Ciao!

Underneath His Wing

Closed eyes, open hands
I hand you on to Him.
May He always keep you underneath His wing.
I pray that you will always know yourself,
That you will not forget me after today.
Because I see in you, everything I've wanted for myself.
You made me smile more in these few days
Than the others ever did.
I hope she keeps you safe & happy.
That you & she will make your dreams into reality.
I may be far away, but I'll always think of you,
Time & time again, I will miss you.
Let God hold you up when you feel like falling.
May He always keep you underneath His wing.
I hove that every single dream you have will become truth
& though I know you will forget me,
I'm okay with that, you were never mine.
God had us meet for a reason.
He had some special plan for this.
I really hove I passed this test, I know I'm meant to say good-bye.
I'm alright with that as long as you are happy.
Thank you, for the laughter that you brought me.
Thank you, for all the smiles I was given.
I owe you one, for lifting me a bit higher.
Open heart & hands, to release you,
Closed eyes so I will not look back,
I will not sit in melodrama, hearing the violins.
I've done that too many times,
So now I hope that God will hold you for me,
You'll be safe while you're with Him.
Here's to all these good times I hope that there'll be more.
May God always keep you underneath His wing.

The One Who Got Away :(

So ... I haven't really liked a guy for almost 2 years ... I mean LIKE like, as in smiling every time you see him, think of him, anyone even mentions him ... well he was every thing I've ever dreamed of ... & today I found out he has a girlfriend. Now I haven't known him for very long AT ALL, but I "fell". I'm happy for him, honestly. I'm praying even now as I type this that he'll be happy forever & that he & his girlfriend will be together as long as God sees fit. I can't give up. It's been so long since any guy made me that happy in such a short time ... I'll pray for him everyday. Here's to all those people who change you in a matter of a few days. I'll tell you a secret, I love him. Just love. That's what my God sightings (aka preschoolers) have taught me most this week. To just love. Arms wide open, eyes closed, no worries. That's the best kind of love. It's gonna be hard tomorrow to say good bye to my preschoolers. I LOVE them. They change me everyday.

My Preschoolers at VBS

There is nothing in the world so beautiful as a preschooler. It's a time when you still believe that mommy & daddy are the most amazing people in the world, God is still you're very most favorite being, you cry when you can't play for long, bubbles, laughter, & chalk fill your days. You love so easily & forgive even easier. Boys are people who you love but are okay if they run away. There are two preschoolers I absolutely adore. Collin & Maesa. They both made my day by telling me they loved me in that shy cute way that just wraps me around their little adorable fingers. Here's to the preschooler in all of us. Don't be afraid to love & forgive, & don't sweat the stubbed toes & all those times you fall down, that's the whole part of the adventure. Don't forget to explore everything, everyday.

Magic pulsing through the air I breathe,
Music weaving in & out of my mind,
Imagination taking hold of my mind.
I see him & I, holding hands while walking in the streets
Love is the only thing I wish for anymore'
The one thing I've never been able to have, not from him.
I've been waiting for him my whole life, my best friend.
I mourn the days we haven't been able to spend together
Because fate hasn't brought us together quite yet.
I pray for him, constantly hoping his life is good.
Then I realize, that he's still coming, that he's not here yet.
Waiting for the day our eyes meet.
Dreamer, that's all I am, dreaming of the days when I won't be alone.
Ready, I feel I was born ready to fall in love.
To feel the way the world lifts a person up & spins them around,
I want to know what that feels like, to know that he actually cares.
Time is moving too slow, I don't want to wait any longer.
Yet I can't make it go any faster.
I'm ready to have my world turned upside down by him.
To spend days laughing by his side.
Feeling the world surround us as we fall in love.

1st day of my schedule & it's going really well. Of course I have to tweak a few things, but other than that, it's wonderful. I'm SUPER tired though! I do a work out video for fat people for an hour, then I bike around lake Phalen & just work & stuff. It's so much work but I feel so good. I'm going to add a dance technique video soon so that I can work on that, as well as working on sight singing. It still bothers me that I have to give myself piano lessons & mom gives piano lessons to her friends the Greens. It just makes me REALLY jealous. I'm actually a VERY jealous person, especially when it come to my parents. They just ignore me basically. Mom is basically my employer. I work for room & board. Blah no sense dwelling on that. Off to study for my ACTs!

GAH! Sooo I kind of hate the people I'm going to be staying with. NOT my God mother but her kids just GET ON MY NERVES!!!!! They're REALLY ignorant & rude. The biggest problem is that they all adore me ... Which means I can't get rid of them ... EVER!!!!!!!! Sometimes when I sleep over they watch me sleep ... KINDA creepy you know? Oh I'm also pretty ticked because Dad told me he & mom were going to be home at 2, 2:30ish & now mom says they won't be home for another 2 hours. This REALLY screws with Abbster & I's plans sooo ... I'm gonna stay at Abbster's for QUITE a while. Grrrrr. Oh & then mom was like "& stop texting, I need to work on my marriage". I wanted to say "Oh gee mom you think?" But that's rude & disrespectful so I just THINK these things. Blah well Ciao!

Summer Dreams

Here I am. I'm a swinger on a swing.
Warm sun in my face, cool breeze lifting me
To a place where I, can be alone, inside my mind.
Because I see you in my sky, even though you're gone I feel you here.
Sometimes it makes me sad, I wish you were here but it's okay.
I remember the days we spent, just talking to each other.
You used to be my very very best friend
But all of a sudden you just disappeared into space.
I still wish I could see your face
Then I remember you are in the wind, you are in the sun
You are everywhere I am.
The love you gave me keeps me warm when I've forgotten how to breathe.
Please come back & laugh with me in the sun
But then reality hits me, you're gone
I'm alone on the swing again.
But I imagine someone else to take your place
Someone who will stay will me everyday.
I can wait until my hair turns grey & I am old.
Because I'm not going anywhere, for long.
I'm just me. A swinger. Swinging on this swim again.
You're too far away to hear me but I'm singing your name.
Just remember me when the day turns to night & you forget to live
Remember I am with you now & always whispering "keep holding on for me"
Summer dreams of you & me taking hold of whatever is keeping me
From falling off the edge of eternity.
I remember you don't you remember me?
I won' let go of my dreams.

1st Day!

GAH!!!! So I'm REALLY bad at this sort of thing ... I mean REALLY bad. Sooo ... mom & dad are leaving for a day long vacation without us so we're off to White Bear to stay with my God mother! Abbster & I are hanging out tomorrow! SO excited. We're probs going to see How To Train Your Dragon! =-D