Messes

You are a mess.
I am a mess.
We are a mess.
Everyday I wait for your text,
Assuring me that you care,
But it never does, it just makes me confused.
This can't be one sided.
Please don't let this be one sided.
Can it be coincidence that this is still here?
After 3 years, we keep coming back to each other?
What does it mean?!
In my closet is a folder
Full of letters I used to write you
& the pictures you used to draw me.
One day I promised not to write anymore
But all I want to do is talk to you.
You won't let me inside your head.
I can still see that look on your face
Still feel the warmth of your hand
Why can't you always be that way?
That boy is the one I want
He makes my heart soar.
We don't have to be complicated.
If there is something holding you back, tell me.
I'm stupid.
I know I'm stupid.
Clingy & pathetic & stupid.
Not lovable, not attractive, just stupid.
So are you.
Do you like me, or don't you?
Because I can love your stupidity.
My arms & hands & heart could love stupid.
As long as I knew it was my stupid.
We are a mess,
Just the two of us.
Your messiness is ever so compelling.
I've dwelt on it many a day & night
Laughed about it & cried about it.
I want a part of your messiness.
Not to change it, but to live it
Even if it makes me a bit more messy.
Believe me, there is nothing I'd like more.
After all this time, to be yours & you be mine.
To have your hands to hold & your lips to kiss,
Would be many a dream come true
Yes, it's cliche & yes, it's cheesy,
Life is a cliche, & it is almost always cheesy
Maybe that is to help the rest to find their way
We don't have much time, for it is running out
In a few months we'll graduate
God only knows what will happen then
But I can't go without knowing
Knowing that we had a chance to be together
Together,
Doesn't that sound wonderful?
Like a long awaited homecoming.
Let us together be a mess
A jumble of laughter, music, & love.
Happiness & wonder tangled into one big knot.
We are a mess of mixed messages,
A terrible, horrible, no good very bad mess.
Please be my mess,
I promise to be yours
We could be the best mess.
Together we can be one happy mess.

I wrote this January 3rd, 2012. I wrote it for the boy I thought was the one. What's funny is that he didn't want to be with me if I was going to end it once college started & ... that's what he did. Oh well, the past is the past, life has moved on for the better, & I am happy. It's true I will always love him, but I can breathe again without him & honestly, that's all I can ask for.