The Road Must End

It is the end.
This long path just keeps on going,
But I cannot, not anymore.
Maybe the end is nearer than I believe,
My eyes cannot see whether or not you care.
Whether or not doesn't matter now because I'm done.
I need someone.
I've waited almost 3 whole years.
My hand just needs to be held,
My heart needs to be captured,
I know that I'm a fool, but I want you.
You will never know, I will never tell,
Nothing that I feel will ever be known.
Child I know I am, youthful in my mind,
Simple & not treasured, you would never want me,
They never do, not him & not you.
It is the end.
By now I've lost all hope,
& yet inside your eyes, I see something more.
I wish that you may find the same in mine,
Something here for you, something that is true.
Man I know you are, that is not what I want.
All I want is your heart & your arms with your hands,
For my hand is feeling cold & it is yours to hold.
Please make this the end.
Waiting all the time,
It's getting hard to find the hope that everyone has.
Fools are all I've known, all that I have loved,
Making my heart break for those who don't deserve it.
I put my shields up, but your smile breaks right through.
The world will never know my care for you.
I'm coming to the end of being just a friend,
I want to be held & to be held by you.

I wrote this Fall of 2011, for a boy I knew in the musical I was in. I originally wasn't going to post this, but a few months ago, the same boy died. I don't know why or from what, but obviously you can imagine the agony that pulsed through my veins when I found out. He was the most amazing boy, he spoke Russian & he was so funny & such a great singer. Maybe it was just because he was my show crush, but he was perfect. I still can't believe he's gone. R. I. P. Alex Solberg.