Friends: The Experience of a Lifetime.

This is an essay of the story about when all my friends betrayed me; when they all talked about me behind my back. It's the day I grew up.

“Dear Alicia, You are a crybaby. You always follow us and we are sick of having to have you around all the time. You’re okay sometimes but most of the time you’re really annoying and stupid. Maybe you should just try and grow up. Don’t take this the wrong way but we don’t really want to be your friends anymore. We’re just sick of having to deal with you!” As my eyes left that small piece of paper, I could feel her eyes on me. I whipped my head around so she could not see my face screwed up to stop the tears from falling. I could not cry, not here at Girl Scouts. Not in front of her, not after I have just read the note she and Shanice had written to me.
“I didn’t write all of it! Only that small part about how you should grow up a little!” Shaadiah said in defense after seeing the agony on my face. I tried to believe her. She had always been my friend, why would she want to see me fall apart into a million pieces. Why would the girl who bounced up to me her eyes glowing, hair swishing, and feet dancing, in kindergarten wanting to be my first ever real friend, want to take the shining world she had created with me, and throw it on the ground to smash at my feet?
I went home and cried. My world, my shining globe of wonderfulness was shattered and I was walking on it with my bare feet. My mom put on her mother face and asked me what was wrong. I let my anger fly. I showed her the note; I made my voice hoarse from my screams. My older brother basked in my hurt, laughing as if this was the best day of his life. I ran away from his taunting voice that confirmed all that my best friends had said about me. I sat in my room. I tore myself into little tiny pieces, and I yelled at myself in my thoughts. I hoped the sun would not rise in the morning, anything to not have to face them. The girls I called my sisters, the girls I gave my entire self to and who proceeded to use me as target practice.
Against my wishes, the sun did rise and I awoke to a beautiful morning. The birds were singing, the sun reflected off the dew, making everything sparkle. I forgot just for a moment what had happened the night before, but once I remembered I wanted to yell at the birds for singing. I wanted to tell them to stop being so cheerful, and make the clouds cover the sun. As I got ready for school, I kept hoping rain would fall from the sky. Anything but the taunting sunshine that wanted me to be happy.
When I got on the bus, I sat in the far back and pulled my hood over my head. I did not talk to Shanice on the bus; all I did was throw her the coldest look I could muster, and then buried my head back into my hood. Once we arrived at school, I bolted to class but Shanice caught up to me. She took me aside, obviously confused at how I could be so angry.
“Alicia, Shaadiah wrote most of the note I only wrote the part that said you are a little annoying!” She said as Shaadiah came up.
“No, you wrote most of it! Don’t lie!” Shaadiah shouted. They began to bicker like two little kids who did not want to get in trouble for breaking a window. They tried to get me to choose sides.
“I don’t know who to believe anymore,” I retorted, as I looked them straight in the eyes. Then I turned around and stalked off to class. I felt numb, like I had been outside shoveling and could not feel anything.
Later in class, our teacher Ms. Splinter asked Shaadiah, Shanice, and I to go out into the hallway with her. My mom had called and told on us. We sat out there in the hallway with the shiny floors the florescent lights above us, next to the lockers with our classmate’s names on them. The dirt on the floor dug into any part of my body that was exposed, like sand paper, and I was very cold. That was probably because I was crying again. We sat and talked for what seemed like days, and eventually my globe was put back together and began to shine once again. But something had changed; I did not need Shaadiah or Shanice anymore. I loved them, but my globe did not orbit around them, they became my equals; I did not follow them like a puppy. I would not let them walk all over me. No, they had taught me that to get respect, I have to give it, but I have to respect myself first.
The only reason I was so shy, was because I had been hiding who I was from everyone else. When I had shown myself to others they had hurt me, so I locked myself up. Shaadiah opened me up and I let her see a bit of me. As we became better friends, I let her see more. I began to trust her, to lean on her, and to depend on her for survival. She became my safety blanket, the person I had to look to for approval. I needed her, and no matter what I tried to tell myself, I was close enough to nothing without her. Then both Shaadiah and Shanice taught me a powerful lesson. They taught me how to stand on my own, to depend on myself. They pushed me out of the nest like some baby birds do to the smallest of them. I had to test my wings on my own. Without my friends to lean on, I had to depend on myself for the first time since I had met Shaadiah. I was forced to step out into the open and expose every inch of myself to the world, and I did. I closed my eyes and got out of bed that morning. I told my best friends exactly what I thought, and then I forgave them.
Because of these things, I am a different person from the little girl who had needed her friends to approve everything she did. I am now an individual person. I no longer need to be surrounded by friends to feel safe or to be happy. I can run around singing at the top of my lungs without being embarrassed. My shell is broken and I am free! I can say hello to each person who looks me in the eye, or become friends with someone I do not know well. I no longer fear exposing myself.
I changed so much because of what my friends taught me. Shaadiah taught me the value of friends. Shaadiah and Shanice taught me you have to be equals with my friends, not a dependent leech. They also taught me to be myself and to not worry what others think of me. Friendship is the experience of a lifetime. Once one has a friend, that person is no longer lives for his/herself, but also for the friend. That person also never has to worry about being alone if the friend is true. It may take time, but it will last forever if one takes care of it the right way.
All my friends have taught me something and in some way changed me as I have changed them. It is my belief that friends change other friends. Whether anyone notices it, if a person becomes a friend with someone new, a part of the person changes. Some may act in different ways around his/her friends. If a person says something a lot, a friend would begin to say it too. Friends influence each other so much, especially if close friends. I am still influenced by Shaadiah, as she is influenced by me. Friendship is all about accidentally changing one another, that is just part of the experience of a lifetime.